My mother is very religious, and she and her husband (not my father) claim to live their lives according to the Bible, which is wonderful.  However, I have a couple of questions regarding her faith.  I am forty-eight-years-old, and my father just died last year (my parents have been divorced since I was around ten years old).  Two days before my father died, he told me that he was not my biological father.  I had no idea and was in absolute shock.  Because of the trauma of losing my father, I was not able to focus on what he had told me and not able to ask him questions.  When I asked my mother, after my father died, to tell me who my biological father was, she told me that it was not necessary that I know... THAT IT DIDN'T MATTER... and that she came to this decision by praying to God.  I can't believe that God would want me to suffer the way I am.  All I want is to know who it is... I don't want a father, and I don't want to disrupt anyone else's life.  I am having trouble believing that God really operates this way.  I am a nice person, and I believe in God, but I can't believe that He would want me to suffer like this.  My mother is Baptist.  Please let me know if you believe my mother is justified in her faith or if she is just hiding behind it.  Thank you.
Sincerely,
Who To Trust?

Dear Who To Trust,

The issues involved with finding birthparents are very emotional and sometimes painful… as you are now experiencing.  We will not even pretend to handle all of the counseling issues involved with what you are dealing with; we will simply focus on answering your doctrinal question.

Whatever your mother’s intentions are (and we are sure they are sincere), praying about something doesn’t mean that you are guaranteed to make the right decision.  Whether or not your parents would talk to you about your birthfather is an issue of wisdom, not doctrine.  If your mother believes that God spoke to her directly – she is wrong.  God doesn’t speak through visions and prophecy anymore (read “I Dreamed A Dream” for further details).

Just because your mother prayed for wisdom doesn’t mean that she did what was wise.  People make mistakes all the time, and this may, or may not, be an example of bad judgment.   SB