“Church Discipline”

Monday, October 28, 2019

Just reading the Q and A about the woman's daughter that has chosen a homosexual life… when do we as a church or member disfellowship ourselves from someone, and how do we do this with a family member or loved one? Out of love, we are not to even eat or associate with them, but how can we do this effectively with an adult child or straying parent?
Sincerely,
Cutting Ties

Dear Cutting Ties,

The Bible doesn’t tell us to withdraw from all people who are living actively sinful lifestyles; we are only told to withdraw from christians who live actively sinful lives.  Paul even said that the church isn’t in the business of judging all mankind (that’s God’s job); we are only responsible to exhort and, if needed, discipline our own (1 Cor 5:9-13).  In the question you are referring to, it doesn’t sound like the daughter is a christian and the member of the church.

Secondly, even if the person is a christian, when the church withdraws from someone, family relationships aren’t as clear-cut as the rest of the brethren.  The church is given strict orders to withdraw and not associate with a wayward brother or sister (1 Cor 5:13).  However, the immediate family doesn’t have the same “black and white” guidelines.  In fact, we see that they sometimes are commanded to do the opposite – as in the case of an unbelieving spouse (1 Cor 7:13).  Close relatives and loved ones falling away can be torturous on the rest of the family, and immediate family oftentimes has to make the tougher decisions of when to draw back and when to keep the family door open.  Family ties in the case of a wayward christian becomes a gray area that requires wisdom and should be handled on a case-by-case basis.   SB

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