I have been searching for God and trying to convince myself of Jesus being my savior, but I am still on my journey, I suppose.  I'm concerned that I'll die and be unforgiven before I can finally convince myself of God.  Perhaps this is something only God can help me with?  I'm a true skeptic, but I have been finding increasing evidence of there being a divine creator, God.  Should I pray to Him that He reveals Himself to me?  I guess my real question is... will He forgive me for not believing in Him when I am not convinced of Him?  I haven't read the Bible yet, and I've been increasingly convinced; should I read the Bible, all of it?  What if I don't read it before I die?  It does sort of feel like I am being pursued by God to believe in Him... I'm just not yet convinced...

(I used to be christian; then I rejected Christ because I realized I was 'believing' without actually believing.  I couldn't live as a hypocrite to myself, still can't today).

Like Plato talked about, I don't wish to be a blind man just happening to take the right path.  That is not knowledge.  If knowledge only truly comes from Him, when will He bless me with it, so I may know Him?  It's so backwards to me... doesn't the Bible say that He will only reveal Himself to me after I put faith in Him before I can convince myself of Him?  Sometimes I want to believe; it's just the doubt... like I said though, maybe it's just the journey I have to take without any help.  Would God put me on one of those journeys?  Will I be lost as long as I strive to be an intelligent and rational human being that bases belief on incidences in my life I'm convinced of?

There have been times where God has answered me... I'd say "God, if you do this for me, I will never doubt you again."  It would then happen, but I ended up brushing it off as coincidence afterward... this was when I was really young though.

Doubt has to be the hardest problem to deal with... maybe I just want reassurance that I'll find Him; it's only a matter of time, and if I don't find Him, He'll be understanding as long as I was given a reasonable amount of time in my life and enough evidence to convince me that He is there.  I don't like dogma...

I apologize for this being so long; I guess I just needed to get it out... I also want some guidance I guess.  Is there any Bible verses online that could help deal with this?  Thanks for reading.
Sincerely,
Unconvinced

Dear Unconvinced,

No, the Bible does not say that God will only reveal Himself to you once you have faith.  God reveals Himself to all of mankind through creation (Rom 1:20) and through His Word (Rom 10:17).  Many religious groups that profess to be christian teach the circular logic that you can’t know about God until you trust in Him – that is wrong.  We have an entire section of AskYourPreacher.org that is dedicated to EVIDENCES.  We here at AYP became christians because of the evidence.  These evidences are found in creation, the proven fulfilled prophecies of the Bible, the uniqueness of the Scriptures, and the proven accuracy of the Bible (we recommend you read “God Is Alive” and “Who Wrote The Bible”).

God will not forgive you for not believing in Him because He has made so much evidence available to prove His existence.  From mountains to molecules, this world screams of a Creator.  Seek the truth, and the truth will set you free (Jhn 8:32).  We too once doubted God’s existence, but after reading books like Evidence That Demands A Verdict by Josh McDowell, A Case For A Creator by Lee Strobel, and Has God Spoken? by A.O. Schnabel (too name a few) – it became very clear that there is real proof that God truly is alive.  After you’ve taken some time to read some of these articles and material, write us back at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org, and we would be happy to show you what it takes to become a christian and find a faithful church to be a part of.  The truth is out there for those (like yourself) seeking it (Matt 7:7).   SB